Happy Pre-Halloween

Good Afternoon and Happy Pre-Halloween.

I love Halloween but this year didn't have any plans. So I got together a small group to meet up for Messenger Pizza and beer at Pre-Funk tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it. We had Messenger Pizza last week after our roller skating adventures and it was so delicious. I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm sure you can tell by now my eating is a bit off. I am fearful of the scale check-in on Tuesday as I know I have gained. I'm afraid to get on the scale here at home. I checked in with the scale last week sometime and was up slightly but still around the norm for my weight these days. It is tough knowing that the hard work and time you spent a few weeks ago is now gone and there is nothing to show for it. I put on a pair of old size 14 jeans a few days ago as the jeans I am currently wearing are in the wash. Yep, still a no-go.

Kenyon and I have been talking ourselves into eating out way more than eating in. Since we have our massages and stay at Anniversary Inn tonight we will eat out again. They serve you breakfast in the morning, which I am super excited about. Then tomorrow night is pizza and beer. I MUST get a plan in place for Sunday to clean up my diet and rev up the activity.

I'll pop in with a re-cap of our trip to Disney on Ice Frozen, our Anniversary Inn stay, and my Halloween get together. If you are celebrating today and/or tomorrow have a ton of fun and eat some candy for me.

Thursday Musings

Good Afternoon. I'm killing a few hours before I meet up with my sisters for dinner and then Disney on Ice Frozen. The little girls are going to love it! Our weather is a bit cold and rain is on the forecast. I hope it holds off until we get into the pavilion and also hold off on our trek home. I don't really want to stand in line outside in the rain!

I found out yesterday that I'll be moving to my first trainer Rosa for my two week of prescription training. I am glad I'll be back on that team as I really like it and there was a lot of positive energy for the eight weeks I spent on that team at the start of my training. I will now have to adjust from night shift calls back to day shift calls. I need to stay really focused on the task at hand which is progressing in the areas they need me to so I can move on.

Unfortunately it messed up for Vegas plans in two weeks. I ended up with several days off in a row and it crossed our mind to get in the car and drive to Vegas this weekend. Instead we pushed the trip back a week in hopes I'll be back to my planned schedule in Phase 3 and moving along with my training. That is my goal. We still wanted to do something so we then though about a quick trip to Jackpot, NV for a night or two. Then Kenyon mentioned staying at The Anniversary Inn here in town. We stayed there for our first few wedding anniversaries but haven't been in a few years.

We already have massage appointments in Boise booked for Friday so we will make a reservation for a night at The Anniversary Inn and make it a get-away that is close to home. It is just nice having time to spend with just Kenyon. For the next two weeks we will be on opposite shifts.

Well, that is all the update I have right now. My eating has not been on track and I've given into several meals out and some stress/emotional eating. I'll be popping into my Tuesday AM meeting these next two weeks as my schedule now allows it. I suspect I'll show a gain but it isn't the end of the world. Need to re-focus and get back on track (and TRACK!)

The Official Word

I got the official word at work last night that I won't be passing my Phase 2 training phase.  In order to pass you have to have four days of evaluation scores of 3 or higher.  I've not gotten a 3 on most of the call taking scoring items at all this phase.  My trainer told me on Sunday that I was to work on controlling my callers.  That appears to be my struggle right now.  Despite feeling like Monday went better we had a bit of a heated discussion about my training, to which I teared up.  I seem to be doing that a lot these days.  It is embarrassing to see "emotional" show up in your evaluation.

I got to work yesterday and was told I would be taken off the console and would be riding with an officer and that today I would also not be working the console.  I talked with the supervisor that told me I would be going to what they call prescription training.  It is where you go to a new trainer and they focus on the area that is causing you the most trouble.  They try to take out all the other components and zone in on just that issue.   I'll find out later today which trainer I'll be moving to.  I am mostly worried it will mess with the Vegas plans we have set up in two weeks.  I think I should end up with a trainer that has the same days off as I as expecting to be in two weeks.

The positive out of all of this is that I will get a new trainer.  I have really struggled these last five weeks with my current trainer.  It is really hard to talk to her and often times I am frustrated and want to cry or start crying when we do try to talk.  I had the fear that my evaluation from Monday would say I was argumentative or defiant, which it did say that, as well as her saying I was placing blame on her.  NOT GOOD!  The supervisor said that she feels me showing that I want to do better is a good thing and that if I was being rude or dismissive instead that would be a red flag.  I do want to get better.  I do want to succeed in this job.  Training is tough stuff!

So, in a nutshell, work has not been going well.  I suspect they pulled me from the dispatch floor last night and again today to eliminate any further hostile working conditions.  I apologized to my trainer last night after reading that she felt blamed.  I told her I wasn't placing blame on anybody but myself.  She told me to stop apologizing.  I don't get her!  Sadly, I have to go back to her later in my training for police dispatch.  Hopefully I have perfected my call taking skills by then and we can focus on the new stuff I am to be learning at that time.

I'm still confident that I want to do this job and with time I will prefect my skills. The hard part to stomach is that when I first started with NPD it was new and exciting and I was really happy. The last few weeks have felt like a dark cloud is hanging over my head. I'll be happy for our massage appointments on Friday so I can get my shoulder worked on. They have been extra tight and sore for weeks.

Making a life change is hard. I know that when things are hard that is when we push more to overcome and in doing so can continue to grow. I'm working on being more confident, controlling my callers better, and consistency. I call it my three C's. I just need to stay focused.