Guest Post: Meeting Your Fitness Goals While Managing Anxiety

I was recently contacted by a reader inquiring about guest posts.  I love guest posts and I am happy to share this one with you today:

Meeting Your Fitness Goals while Managing Anxiety

By Christine Hill

Anxiety is the single greatest cause of mental illness in the United States today. Anxiety disorders affect about 18% of our population, or 40 million adults. For those of us who suffer from social anxiety, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobias, OCD and major depressive disorder, it can be especially hard to reach our fitness goals. I’ve noticed in my own life that when I’m anxious, I’m more likely to overeat, oversleep, and fall into self-destructive health patterns.

Anxiety disorders can have a fundamental impact on our lives, health, and well-being. They can manifest themselves in dramatic ways with physical problems ranging from IBS and sleep disorders to chronic pain. Anxiety can anchor us in harmful addictions (like, say, smoking, or binge eating) and hold us back from becoming who we want to become. It pollutes our relationships and ambitions, and rob us of joy and satisfaction in life.

One common misunderstanding regarding anxiety is the distinction between stress and anxiety. Stress is an external force, like weight bowing down a bridge. Anxiety is an internal reaction to stress. Sometimes we don’t have any control whatsoever on the amount of stress that life piles onto us. However, because anxiety is an internal reaction, it is something that we can learn to control and moderate in a healthy way.

Exercise

It only takes 5 minutes of exercise to start getting anxiety-relieving benefits. When we get stressed and overbusy, it’s tempting to skip exercise, but exercise is actually one of the best ways to relieve anxiety!

Exercise has always been really hard for me, but I got better at it when I started thinking of it as a sneaky lifehack that turned my brain’s natural processes to my advantage. Exercise stimulates natural feel-good hormones (endorphins). It also helps your body’s regulatory systems (like the heart and circulation) operate better, which will create a positive feedback loop to your brain and impede the process that leads to anxiety. Exercise has also been proven to lead to better sleep, which reduces the negative effects of stress on your body and mind.

How to put it in action?

• Set up a routine.
• Not into running? That’s okay! There are tons of other ways to get good cardio in. Check out some ideas from this article.
• Do it with a friend so that you’re more accountable for your goals.
• Make a conscious effort to answer your anxiety response with exercise instead of unhealthy reactions.

Deep Breathing and Mindfulness Meditation

If you’re immediately turned off by the terms “deep breathing” and “mindfulness meditation” because they sound a little too airy-fairy to you, check your assumptions. Meditation is promoted by many official health authorities as the very best method for managing numerous mental disorders, from depression to addiction. It’s also widely recognized as one of the best ways to reduce stress.

One of the great benefits of meditation and deep breathing techniques is that it’s free, anyone can learn to make it effective for them, and it can be done anytime, anywhere, directly in response to anxiety episodes.

If you’ve never been able to get effective results from meditation or deep breathing, you’re probably doing them wrong.

Quick Guide:

1. Sit down and close your eyes, and breathe naturally and easily.
2. Start to count: four seconds breathing in, three seconds holding the breath, four seconds breathing out.
3. Put one hand on your chest and one on your belly and concentrate on the breath itself going in and out of your body.
4. Dismiss fringe thoughts as they arise and intrude on your meditation, and instead draw your own focus back to the breath and the specific sensations as the air enters and is released.

Meditation gets easier and more effective the more that you do it, so start today. Set aside 5-10 minutes each morning or evening to give it a go, and then draw on this practice throughout the day as stresses arise.

Journal

While setting down to talk to “Dear Diary” at the end of a day may seem like the exclusive realm of preteen girls, it’s actually a powerful self-management and self-directed psychology technique that benefits everyone, from world leaders to creative geniuses.

Writing down our thoughts and concerns allows us to identify and separate ourselves from the things that plague us. Once they’ve been delegated to paper, we’re able to use wiser judgement and perspective as we look over the issues. Sometimes, simply the act of writing siphons away the stress, as it allows us to stop carrying things with us, without us feeling like we’ve had to admit that it wasn’t difficult or worth recording and keeping around.

Some Other Surprising Approaches:

Check your diet: Eliminate substances like caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes, and illicit drugs that throw off your natural hormone levels and regulatory system. Cut out other unhealthy practices, like eating on the go, or opting for fast food too often. A healthy diet supports a healthy mind.

Get rid of half your stuff: We don’t need as much stuff as we own. Many experts say that the actual burden of ownership adds additional stress to us every day. Remember that physical clutter = mental clutter.

Go on a tech cleanse: It’s estimated that we process 174 newspapers’ worth of information each day. We’re on constant information overload, and whether the messages are perceived as positive or negative, they can drain our energy and destroy peace of mind. Try a tech cleanse and spend some time quietly with only your own thoughts.

Cut way back on expenditures: Finances are the biggest stressor of the average American. If you’re overloaded by debt and financial worry, consider hiring an advisor who can help you gain peace of mind. Do everything you can to eliminate unnecessary expenditures that add to your financial load.

 

Guest Post: Andi's Tips

I was contacted by blog reader Andi (that is exciting to say...somebody actually reads my blog) who asked if she could do a guest post. Andi is a local Idahoan. I am excited to share with you her tips for weight loss as she is her own weight loss success story losing 60 pounds.

Focus on Why You Want to Lose Weight

A lot of people venture out on their weight loss journey simply wanting to be skinnier. They want to have smaller arms, legs, and all but eliminate their midsection. This is not always a healthy approach, because it may drive you to either lose weight in an unhealthy way, or drive you too far with your weight loss.

If your only reason to lose weight is to have the perfect body, you will never be satisfied with your progress. We nitpick and criticize ourselves harder than we ever would a friend, and so even after losing weight there will be some aspect of your body you don’t like.

Thinking about other weight loss motivations is important to your success. Do you have children? You probably want to lead a healthier life so you can be there for them. You probably want to meet your eventual grandchildren. Are you at risk for diabetes? Do certain cancers run in your family? Weight loss can drastically improve overall health and reduce risks for cancers, heart disease, and diabetes, so that may be a great motivator for others who are genetically predisposed.

Learn What Workouts Are Effective

Surprisingly lots of cardio is not the most effective way to exercise when your goal is weight loss. When you do steady-state cardio, you are essentially training your body to be more efficient, and burn fewer calories.

For weight loss, doing exercises that use the most energy in the shortest time is typically most effective. Sprints and conditioning exercises are great, and lifting weights is also especially beneficial. Both when you lift weights or sprint your body is flooded with lactic acid, and you burn more calories throughout the day from working out for a total of just a few minutes than you would from sitting on the stationary bike for an hour.

Running and walking can contribute to weight loss, but many people run just because they feel like it is the only or best way to lose weight. If you love to run, then run, but if you don’t, then consider other efficient options!

Learn About Weight Loss However You Can!

Education is the most important part of weight loss, and in this case ignorance is not bliss. When you do not know how to do things effectively, you waste a lot of time and effort doing pointless exercises, and you waste a lot of tears and frustration when you don’t see results.

Blogs are a great way to learn a little bit more, but you have to be careful what you believe because there are is a lot of conflicting information. There are blogs written by personal trainers (like the one I write for!), registered dietitians, and nurses and doctors which can give you solid, accurate advice.

Finding a blog written by someone with similar experiences can also be a great motivator. Knowing someone else made it through the same challenges can both give you hope as well as direction. You can also reach out to blog owners to ask questions; most are very friendly and excited to talk to readers!

With weight loss, knowledge is power. You have to know yourself, your body, and what works in order to be successful-- and it can be different for everyone!

Andi Singer works with Proplus Fitness, a fitness coaching company in the Treasure Valley. When she’s not at the gym you can usually find her lounging at the Nampa Flying M, or walking the greenbelt with her pup.

Guest Post: Katie Who Is Half Her Size

I have such an exciting success story to share with you. Katie, who is a WW member, has lost half her size.  She just shines in her after photos. I've not known Katie very long. She reached out to me with a question and I asked her if she would submit a guest post for me. Katie loves to travel so she is a girl after my own heart. I can't wait to meet in person one day.

I joined weight watchers the first time when I was about 20 years old with my friend Suzi and my grandmother. I had a wonderful motivational leader who really helped me learn and believe in the program. Unfortunately, like most 20 year olds I was busy with college and working and I fell off of the Weight Watchers band wagon. In that time I kept off what I lost and even lost a bit more. I feel that I was successful off program because WW teaches you to look at labels and learn about what you’re putting into your body. Even after I stopped, I would look at something and go “you would be 5 points. Hmmm.” Now that being said, I was off program for nearly 6 years and lost about 25 pounds over that time so I don’t want to give myself too much credit.

Fast forward to fall of 2012 when the deputy director of the agency I work for asked me to be on the agency’s Wellness Committee. When she asked, I pointed out that I was fat and didn’t know if I was the ideal person to help promote health and wellness within our agency. Despite my reservations I joined the committee which got me thinking about rejoining Weight Watchers. That Christmas I was helping my brother shop for a winter coat and he couldn’t find one that fit. I looked at him and told him I was joining Weight Watchers online after New Years and he could join with me if he wanted.

Since January of 2013 I have lost 114 pounds. I have somewhere between 15 and 20 pounds left until I hit my goal weight. 

I think the reason that I was able to be successful is because I had my brother along for the ride. 

Before

After

He was a motivation to keep going, someone to cook for and with, as well as somebody to walk with. We were close before, but now he is probably the person I am closest to in the world. I also discovered the Weight Watchers boards. There are a ton of different options, but I really found a home at the “100+ to lose board”. They are kind, accepting and always have advice (even if it is advice that is hard to hear). Some of the people I’ve met there have become my close friends and that has led me to traveling to see them. 115 pounds ago I would have not gotten on a bus by myself to go to NYC for the day to meet with people I met online. Now it doesn’t seem out of the ordinary, it seems like part of my life. During this process friends from home have also joined Weight Watchers and I love watching their success. My dear friend and co-worker Jill has rocked the program and we have been able to motivate one another and talk about Points Plus till we are blue in the face! My friend Suzi, who I joined with the first time, recently joined an at work meeting and is doing great. I just love seeing people do well and honestly, I wish I hadn’t waited so long to take my life by the horns.

A side effect of weight loss that I certainly wasn’t expecting was that I had to have my gallbladder out in February of 2014. I had started having problems in July of 2013 and was diagnosed as gluten intolerant. Unfortunately after 8 months of no bread (!!!!!!!), I began having issues again and it was discovered that I had been having gall bladder attacks. During this surgery it was also discovered that I have a fatty liver. Fatty liver is basically cirrhosis of the liver, but instead of booze being the cause, being fat is the cause (PSA: don’t wait to get healthy!). After having my gall bladder out I feel great and although the diagnosis of the fatty liver is scary, it is something I can live with as long as I make some changes (no drinking and no Tylenol).

The last 16 months of my life have been some of my best. I have more confidence, I’ve met wonderful people, I’ve tried new foods, I walk EVERYWHERE I can, and traveling (one of my favorite pastimes) is easier and more fun. I feel like a new person. There are bad days when I feel like I’m still the giant 20 year old who walked into Weight Watchers the first time and silently cried in the bathroom after her first weight in, and there are days where I feel like I could take on the world. Losing weight is easy, getting your head together is hard, and that is likely a much longer post for a different day.

Some tips from me:

• Check out Skinnytaste.com it will change your way of cooking and how you eat!! I love it.
• Buy a digital food scale.
  • I weigh EVERYTHING and it means fewer dishes because I don’t use as many measuring cups.
• Find exercise that you enjoy.
  • Walking has been my primary form of exercise this entire time. I gain pleasure from it and I’ve lost a lot of weight doing it. Find something you like and you are much more likely to continue doing it.
• Find a support system.
  • Go to meetings, find a buddy, go online to the Weight Watchers boards (they are open to non-paying members) and find someone. I’ve found that this is a journey you can’t take alone.

Guest Post - Going Gadget Free

I have a blog post from Dawny to share with you today.  Dawny has gone gadget free, among some other changes, and is feeling really great.  She also realized she has a lot of extra time now that her every though isn’t consumed with diet, exercise, and health information.

Sometimes we just need to take a step back, breathe, and enjoy the ride.

The book Dawny makes reference to is Brain over Binge: Why I Was Bulimic, Why Conventional Therapy Didn't Work, and How I Recovered for Good by Kathryn Hansen.

Over the last couple of years it seems I have become more consumed with diet, exercise, obsession, planning, fear, and food in the extent of reading, writing, listening, researching, talking, and thinking about it all.  It's been so consuming that I’ve missed out on a lot of life.  I’ve reclosed, I’ve opted out of events or gatherings, I’ve stopped living and doing and being as I’ve been so afraid of veering off plan or not finishing a book because it's going to teach me the magic.

Recently I read a book that gave me a lot of insight into what has happened to me.  Although I never realized this until I read the book, stepping away from it I realize how toxic and crippling it has really become in my life.  It's become my being, my who I am, and what I’m about, always feeling the nagging that I have to read, write, plan, shop, cook, work-out, etc.

I took a step back and I started to really look at things and ask myself questions about how and when this happened, why it happened, and what I gained from it.  Most importantly I asked myself am I happy?

The answer is no.

So, it was time to really make a change.

The first change was to embrace it and realize it.  I needed to think it and feel it, really feel my feelings.  I needed to not just think and worry when/what/where the next food was and that I have to work-out or I need to eat this.  “Dawny, don't forget to get all of (said food) in today.”  “Oh you MUST guzzle down another glass of water because you'll fall short.”  “Oh no you ate five servings of fruit, what will you ever do.”

The next change happened after realizing how boring I had become and how boring my life was without those things occupying my time.  My life was boring only because I let my ways of thinking consume me for so long that I no longer participated in much else.  My changes included crocheting and I started looking though photos. I starting spending time with my six year old niece and I started going out with my son.  I enjoyed just lying on the couch with my husband, not doing anything.   I started going out and about with my husband to run amuck and do absolutely nothing. My son and I went to the mall.  I started living again.

My final change was that I decided to go gadget free.  I’ve let the numbers consume me so much that I decided to take off the Active Link that I get to use for free because I’m a service provider at my Weight Watchers center.  It's a good tool and I like it.  Active Link gives you a activity goal to strive towards in being more active.  I decided to take off the FitBit that my good friend bought it for me.  My friend knows me really well and she viewed me as very connected and dictated by numbers and knows how much information the FitBit provides.  She also knows how much I love it.

I decided to de-tangle my thinking from “oh, you haven't met this (said step) goal get up and get moving” or “oh you’re so close to the next green flashing light get up move.”  I want to move because I want to and because I like how it makes me feel when I do it.  I want to move because of how it starts my day on a good note with the energy I get from it.  I want to do it for the fun and because I know it gives me good health. NOT because I ate an extra brownie or NOT because I fear what the scale will say.  I want to exercise because I want to.

All of my changes have been so freeing.

And then it hit me...WOW...I’m bored.  There's nothing to do when I’m NOT worried about WHAT I’m going to eat and when.

Really?  

I’m not thinking about it while I’m sitting on the couch channel surfing feeling like I should be doing something.  Instead I’m calling people and making plans.  I’m getting together and hanging out.  I’m engaging my family to do things that would have annoyed me a few short weeks ago when they felt I should be doing that.

WOWSA...it's weird.

I stopped listening to educational lessons (podcasts) every time I exercised because sometimes too much knowledge (all of which contradicts each other) is very toxic.  It can make you crippled without even realizing it.  I started enjoying nature, the scenery, music.  It adds energy to a workout and that adds enjoyment and puts a real pep in the step!!  What a pure concept? I stopped buying/reading every single book that might have some secret that I’ve missed over the last 9.5 years of this journey.  I’ve stopped buying and reading every magazine that touts a new something on the cover.

I still listen to podcasts, sometimes but not every time.  I still read (I have a library built up that I’m working through) books about diet or lifestyle or recovery, etc.  I have to say I’m thankful because had I not stumbled upon the last book that helped me to realize that I lost touch with who I was and stopped being who I am. 

Now I feel like ME again.

Guest Post: Jamie Who Lost Over 100 Pounds

I have a few more Hawaii posts coming (that still need to be written) so in the meantime I have a really great Guest Post for you today!

Jamie is a WW member whom I met when I started attending a new-to-me meeting when I first moved to Boise.  Jamie, along with her meeting members, welcomed me with open arms.  I was struggling to find a place to belonged after I had reached goal.  I quickly became friends with Jamie and while I don’t attend her meeting anymore we still connect on Facebook.

Jamie has lost over 100 pounds and continues to have a positive attitude about weight loss.  She has started a new blog to discuss more ofher journey and share her recipe tips.  Jamie is a rock star in the gym and has been working hard with her trainer to transform her body.

 

You can connect with Jamie through her blog and through her Facebook page.

http://ahealthyhotmama.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/healthyhotmama

Here is Jamie’s story:

I started gaining weight when I left home for college and was free to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20.

 

 

 

 

All that I wanted to do was be a wife and mother, so when we started trying to have a family, instead were faced with infertility issues.  I ate my way through the pain. After three and a half years of trying, we were finally blessed with a beautiful baby boy! His toddler years were when I noticed that something was different about him. He was busier than most, but I was told by doctors that he was fine.   After another three and a half years of trying to get pregnant, we were excited to learn that we were expecting again. It was when I was seven months pregnant with our second that we found out that our oldest had Aspergers Syndrome (a form of high functioning autism) and severe ADHD. Our lives changed at that point.

My dreams of the “perfect life” and the “perfect family” were gone. I grieved for a long time over the loss of those dreams. Some days I still grieve. My life is good, and I know that now, but at that point seven years ago, I felt like I was being swallowed up by a dark cloud and I didn’t know how to be happy. I was depressed and went on medication to help with it. I also ate to comfort myself. My life was out of my control and I self-medicated with food.

It made me feel momentarily gratified and comforted. With the diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD when he was in kindergarten, I found myself becoming my son’s advocate. School was a nightmare and I had to educate his school and teachers on what Aspergers is and fight to get him the help and accommodations that he needed to succeed in school. We had about four school years that were absolutely brutal…for both of us. My parenting was called into question more than once. Little did they know that I was beating myself up inside enough for all of us!

I, as an individual, was so lost. When my second son was nine months old, I did something that I never thought I’d do. I went out and got a job. I only worked two nights a week, for four hours a night at a bookstore, but it was getting me out of the house and doing something I enjoyed. I was beginning to learn at that point that I needed to figure out who I was, and find my identity. This helped some as I dealt with all of the school and behavioral issues with my son. I was starting to find myself.

Fast forward to three and half years ago…I decided that I was sick of being fat, lost, and depressed. I had gained a whopping HUNDRED pounds since I got married 13 years before. A hundred…that is another small person! I decided that I was tired of being the fat one in every group, worrying that if I sat in a chair it might break, not knowing if the airplane or amusement park ride seat belt would go around me, and hating every photo I saw of myself.

 

On a whim, I decided to join Weight Watchers, which I had done a few times, years before. I found a meeting that very night and again, my life changed. I focused all of my attention on learning how to eat healthier and be more active. The weight started coming off and I saw myself succeeding at something that I thought I would never be capable of conquering…my weight. As I started losing weight, I started getting compliments from everyone on how great I looked and I was able to buy cute new clothes.

Soon, I didn’t have to worry about fitting into a seat belt or breaking chairs and I started liking what I saw in the mirror and in photos. To date I have lost over 100 pounds. The weight is coming off slower now, but I am determined to meet my goals! Probably the greatest part of this journey has been finding ME!! As I gained back my confidence, I found a new freedom. I have learned that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind out to do!

I started out a few years ago, not being able to walk down the block without my shins hurting or feeling out of breath. Now I work out at the gym at least 4-5 times a week. I have also re-discovered a love for volleyball. I am proud to say that I completed a half marathon last fall.

 

One of the most exciting things though, is that I recently went skydiving. I am terrified of heights and never in a million years thought that I would jump out of a plane voluntarily, but I did it and I am thrilled! I later went zip-lining in Alaska. I have learned to push past the fear and tackle it head on and that I will come out a stronger and more confident person in the end!

The best part is that, even though I am still not at my weight loss goal, I LOVE who I am now, and I see in myself what my Father in Heaven has seen all along.

 

Guest Post: Dawny Who Lost 260 Pounds - Part Three

You can read Part One of Dawny’s Guest Post here

You can read Part Two of Dawny’s Guest Post here

Part Three

Dawny’s commitment to her exercise puts my teeny APs earned each week to shame!  She is always on the go.  Around Christmas though she hurt her ankle and has had to adjust her activity for the last few weeks.  I had a tough time mentally when my back started hurting and adjusting my activity and food intake wasn’t easy. But with all things in life they happen for a reason.  Dawny has embraced this new change, along with Simply Filling Technique, and is staying positive in the process!

With Dawny’s permission, I am going to share more with you some of our email conversation.

I guess where I’ve gone with all this thinking is that:

1.     This injury struck something in me making me remember that exercise is not just to maintain my weight.  In REALITY that is NOT the ONLY reason I exercise.  I LIKE it, and I LIKE the choices of activities I partake in.  I LIKE how they make me feel, the energy I get the accomplishment I feel, the ME time, the reflection, the listening to 'stuff' I do when wog-a-bout-ing, the fun and engagement in Zumba classes, and that just because I can't do what I did, or what I’m 'supposed' to do that day, or I can't do an HOUR long whatever, DOESN'T mean the activity is not 'worthy' etc.

2.      That just because I ALWAYS eat this or that, I don't have to.  I can eat whatever I want, what I crave, what my body wants, what's enough, when I’m hungry not when it's time or I can’t because it's too late in the evening.  Yes I have to be mindful.  I have to pay attention but I don't have to be miserable, and deprive myself.

3.     The scale. I NEED to lose my obsession and in the meantime I have to remember I cannot MAKE that scale do what I want WHEN I want.  I’m doing what I can, I am on-plan, and working on myself, that's all I can do right? The rest will come, or it won't.

I really think that since I’ve embarked/embraced on simply filling I feel GOOD, I feel satisfied, and I feel when I’m full.  An example, there was peanut M&M's on the fridge (sometimes there's stuff, sometimes there isn’t) and the many times I’d walk by and take one (or three after-all three don’t count) this time, I got in the bag, I touched them, and I didn't take them because the thought of it wasn’t appealing.  I was full and it just didn't 'ring' it for me?!  WHOA, that JUST happened right?

I think I’m a little 'obsessed' sometimes right now, and I think that it's quite possibly from the excessive 'restriction' and 'deprivation' but I feel it's calming down, and kind of going away.  Maybe I’ve not made any sense…but it makes sense to me.  I’ve just got to remember I can't move/change the world all today, it's time, slow, patience.

I WANT the OLD Dawny back, the LIVING Dawny, while on-track, on-plan, and navigating life…normally (okay, that's a stretch, cuz Dawny and normal in the same sentence just doesn't jive). .but…yah…I’m proud of me for embracing the change and realizing how POWERFUL I am.

Guest Post - Dawny Who Lost 260 Pounds: Part Two

You can read Part One of Dawny’s Guest Post here

Part Two

Dawny has recently made a change by embracing the Simply Filling Technique that is part of the WW program.  Dawny is already a really clean eater who LOVES her veggies.  However, after feeling miserable with some aspects of her maintenance journey she decided it was time to make some changes.

With Dawny’s permission, I am going to share more with you some of our email conversation.

I’ve never embraced simply filling, because I convinced myself I couldn't.   I am a master at convincing myself of stuff like I have to have a number of points tell me how much to eat and when to stop.  I can (and do) eat hungry or not, overeat, eat things even if they aren't good and I don't like them, eat things because someone else is, or just because it's time to eat.  But…I have that points number to tell me when enough is enough, and then well yah..

I’ve convinced myself that exercise = weight loss.

I’ve convinced myself that I must do the EXACT same thing each and every week (food, exercise LIFE) to keep the scale exactly how I want it (despite the fact that it doesn't work and the scale does what it wants.) BUT I continued to believe I HAD/HAVE to do the exact same thing every day, etc. seriously, down to what I eat for breakfast, lunch, and snacks, I’m not kidding and/or exaggerating, the ONLY fluctuation was really dinner, and that depended on the day of the week, earlier in the week I was a bit more flexible, however I still kept it in pretty close 'range' of the same volume/meal etc. (4ppv protein, 2ppv carb, then veggie etc.)

I have a routine, this is the exercise I do on this day NO MATTER WHAT... this is what I have for breakfast on THIS day NO MATTER WHAT, I every day will eat this NO matter what. Why?? Because it's what I’ve done and what I have to do.  I’m slowly, very gradually breaking free from this.  It's hard.. I struggle, but I’m getting there, slow but sure.

This was Dawny's first half marathon!

Realizing I am in control of me, NOT a daily points target is hard, but, breaking free from that I decided to embark on simply filling, it's been two weeks.  Oh my, I’m not tracking ANYTHING except NON-Power Food items and it feels so freeing. Liberating maybe? I have eaten more… maybe… mostly just animal protein… doing rough 'guestimates' of my DPT in my head on occasion. I’m really eating 'about the same' number of PPVs.  HOWEVER I’ve allowed myself more things, more 'freedom' I’ve been eating REAL peanut butter, eggs, liberally adding things like beans/legumes to my meals (I LOVE THEM) low fat/fat free cheese, cake, cookies, yogurt, not overly extreme like abusive, I’ve been eating more whole grain carbs, (oatmeal, rice, pasta, potatoes) and I’m LOVING it.

I’ve stopped weighing/measure EVERY thing I put in my mouth, some things I still do, you kind of have to like liquid egg whites for say, and just to keep myself in check sometimes the beans in my salad. I’ve been eating things that cost PPVs like salad dressings etc.. because I LIKE it and I can!

I don't know that I’ll ever go back! I KNOW I don't want to!!

One of my favroite photos.  Dawny was selected to go to New York for a make-over!!

I had dinner COOKED and my husband came home and suggested dinner out, I promptly wrapped up the dinner for another time, and away we went.  This type of behavior is phenomenal. I felt so free and empowered!

I don't want to gain weight (okay, shit really who does?) BUT at the same time, I don’t want to keep living in diet hell/prison either, what the heck was the point of my accomplishment if I have to miserable and not enjoy life at all, food, living etc.

I like it, I like that I was at the store and had a cake sample.  Did I want two?  Yes. Did I have two?  Yes.   Did I want three?  Yes!  Did I have three?  No, my son didn't let me, THANKFULLY.  Will I overeat? Sure I’m sure I will.  Do I want to?  No.  Will I always?  No, I hope not, but it is okay sometimes.