Part One
I have another great guest post for you today. I will be splitting Dawny’s guest post as
there is so much I want to share. She
has some really great insight and has been working really hard lately to make
some changes needed for happier Dawny!
Dawny is a WW member who lost an amazing 260 pounds. Her journey wasn’t filled with all sunshine
and roses. It took her 9 years to lose
the weight and she even had to deal with a re-gain during her weight loss
journey. Dawny’s positive attitude is
contagious and she is the best cheerleader anybody could ask for! You can listen to Dawny’s interview on the
Half Size Me Podcast.
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| Dawny is on the left |
Dawny has been maintaining her weight loss for a year and a
half now. After struggling for a little
while with some bad advice from a trusted WW leader (yes this can and does
happen), she is working hard to break free of her “diet prison” and learning more
about the real Dawny through the process.
With Dawny’s permission, I am going to share with you some of
our email conversation.
I've struggled (I’ve felt) to maintain my goal
weight from the day I got it. Not painfully, or miserably, but it's not been
'easy' or 'smooth' and I’ve had to continue to work at it.
I stopped living my life, I avoided any/all
events that dealt with or included food, including but not limited to visiting
family out of town, taking trips, vacations, spending holidays with family,
attending parties, social gatherings everything. I again became VERY crafty at
finding ways to get out of it, no gas, no time, had to work, didn't feel good,
family you go ahead, I'll stay behind, convincing my husband (who travels for
work) that he should just go, and work his way there, or back or whatever. All these things let me 'off the hook'. I was good, and nobody was any the wiser.. and
I didn't feel upset, or deprived, or like I was missing out because after-all I
HAD to do this to STAY ON PLAN AND SAFE.
At
the beginning of 2013 I started to get tired... tho I kept fighting, but I was
tired of the stress, the missing out, feeling lonely, unsatisfied, cold,
miserable, just like realizing what happened, what I’d done, tired of the
constant what I was seeing as fight.
I started to research. I started learning
what I'd done to me. Realizing how miserable and LONELY I’ve made me/my life,
and TRULY what a GRUMPY BITCH I became. (yea, I put on a happy face, most NEVER
have or will see that side of me) but I did and my family, realizing how
pathetic I’ve turned my life always stressing, always everything HAVING to
incorporate or be about 'activity' or 'doing' something, a complete ball of
stress, if it wasn't PLANNED it wasn’t' happening!
I
believe I truly believe I malnourished myself, and ran myself out.
I started to 're-claim' and this isn't easy, I created for myself an eating disorder that I never had!
Before points plus and the 'stuff' I was taught/told
I used to eat out, I used to eat whatever I wanted, when I wanted it (obviously
within reason) I watched portions 'kind of' but I tracked my points, I worked
out when/if I could, and I just made it work.
I used WPPA sometimes, I used AP's sometimes. Sometimes I used all of every point I had and
then some extra's too, it just happened, I lost a lot of weight, I’d say probably
200# and I wanted that back.
I started reading old journals and realizing
more and more what happened to me, what I’d done, what I’d become, and it
inspired me to go back, it's been hard, but I’m working on it, I keep working
on it, I’m nourishing my brain with knowledge from you, and many others, and
resources and a lot of books, and information and REALIZING that I did a lot of
damage to myself.
I
started eating REAL things again, slowly (remember this is VERY hard to
un-learn what I learned, all while still being in FEAR of the scale and letting
it OWN and RULE me and my EVERY action) the more real things I eat, the more I
realize the crap I’ve convinced myself I liked that I don't , it's gross a lot
of it and it's a waste of time, and food and energy and I’m learning that
eating less of the 'real' thing is FAR greater than a LOT of the nasty ‘fake it
til you make it close your eyes real tight and pretend’ stuff.
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