I wrote this blog post on our flight home from New Mexico.  I had been doing some thinking/reflecting on body image and acceptance.  Since returning from vacation I still have lots of thoughts to share.  In the meantime, I do want to post what I wrote, even if my thinking has changed a little bit since our return.

Where does a person get their identity from? What makes your identity good or bad? Can your identity change? Can it improve or can it deteriorate?
For the past eight years my identity has been wrapped up in weight loss and weight maintenance. Losing a large amount of weight has consumed a big part of my life. It is hard to know where to go from here. For many years I lived as a large person. There were positive parts of it and also negative parts of it. Sometimes it feels being heavier was easier. What I still can't understand is why is being heavy viewed as negative and being thin is viewed as positive? Our society tells us being fat is bad. While it is not good for our health, why is somebody that carries more weight seen as less attractive?
I have fallen into the trap of wrapping up my identity into a smaller package to try and appease society. Of course that isn't why I lost the weight but my decision to always be open and public a about it is sometimes difficult. Going down the scale and shrinking into a smaller size feels good. Heck, that was the fairly easy part. People compliment you. Men take notice when they didn't used to give you a second look. A whole new world of clothing options becomes available when you used to only have one tiny section in mostly ugly floral prints. Less = better. Or at least that is how you are made to feel.
What happens to your identity when your smaller package starts to increase in size? Those positive feelings suddenly seem overshadowed by negative ones. Am I back to being that poor fat girl who society said didn't matter before? My size dictates the type of person I am supposed to be? I used to be thin but I am not anymore so who am I really?
When I saw my cousin she complimented that I looked good. I thanked her and explained that since this was my first real venture down the scale, considering how much I lost, I am doing pretty good. I honestly feel that way. There is a bit of contentment admits those feelings of needing to lose weight to get back to goal. Some days I'm fine and others I feel like I should try harder or do more. I don't know who to identify with. I know 304 pound Lindsay and 175 pound Lindsay are the same person. That would mean that 200 pound Lindsay is also the same person. Some days it is hard to know which to identify with.
I don't miss being 304 pounds. I joined WW after a trip to Vegas where I almost couldn't buckle the seatbelt. As I write this blog post we are on the first leg of our flight home. The seatbelt on the plane buckles with ease and I don't spill over into the seat next to me. Surely 200 pound Lindsay is still better off than 304 pounds even though she isn't 175 pounds anymore.
Where does a person get their identity from?


A Few More Photos From New Mexico

Blogging while traveling is difficult since I don’t have my Mac with me.  It isn’t easy go blog on the iPad and the formatting just isn’t correct.  So I am posting more photos from our trip.

On Sunday we took the in-laws out to eat at Denny’s since it was our niece Maya’s first day as a waitress.  Sadly, I didn’t get any photos of Maya.  We crammed 11 people into two tiny booths as it was a super busy evening.

My sister-in-law Julie sent me some photos of little Alora.  She has the neatest personality and is super fun.

Apparently there are some Southwest planes that are painted for different states in the US.  When we landed in Denver the New Mexico plane was at the gate next to ours and the Arizona plane had just left our gate.  Too bad we didn’t get to ride the NM plane into NM.  That would have been neat.

Max and Henry are so much fun.  They are so cute and I love kids when they are between two and four years old.  They say so much funny stuff.  I am so glad I had the opportunity to see these cuties.

Here is Max and Henry on a tricycle that is as old as my Aunt Barb!!!  It was actually her tricycle from when she was a kid.  Through the years we have all taken turns riding that bike and it was neat to also get photos of the boys taking their turn.  Henry, on the left, is not happy in his photo because he was stuck in the dirt and needed rescued.

These were taken at Judy’s house.  There is a tiny door that leads from her back yard to the alley way.  We were calling it the Hobbit door.  It didn’t open without a key and the boys desperately wanted to go through it.

Henry didn’t want his photo taken for most of the trip but he loved running back and forth along this outside seat.  He asked me to take his photo of him running on it.

I am already missing all the fun we had on vacation.  I wish we lived closer!


Back To It

The fun of vacation is over and I am back at work.  But before I headed back to work on Saturday night I did have a little bit of fun.

I took Friday off and arranged a little get together with my girlfriends to drink some wine and visit.  Julie found these adorable wine glass markers, which were men that hang off the side of your glass.  They had different colored bottoms and had a different name across the back.  It was hilarious.


We had a great time and I drank far too much alcohol and ate far too much sugar.  I had a huge headache Saturday morning when I woke up.  I am not as young as I once was.  I had plans to go to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon.

I’ve known Jenn for 17 years now.  We met when I transferred to the ShopKo in Boise after I graduated high school.  Jenn was also going to BSU and we even had a few classes together.  When I interviewed with ISP nine years ago and took my tour of the dispatch center, there sat Jenn.   She was actually dispatching for ISP so I again had the privilege of working with her.  I guess you could say I was stalking her.  Jenn moved to Colorado to peruse her dreams of culinary school and eventually took a job at Disney World.  That is where she met her husband John and they are now expecting their first child.  I am so excited for her.

It is great going to a baby shower when the mother is a culinary artist!  Look at that spread.


We played some games but sadly I didn’t win any prizes. 


After a short nap I headed into work.  It has been a busy night so far.  I am sort of rusty after taking a week off!


Headed Home

We are on our way home. Hallelujah!!! Normally when we travel we enjoy staying at LaQunita Inn and Suites. We often have a good experience. However this particular hotel stay wasn't as pleasant. Our room was right next to the housekeeping closet and those maids are NOISY! Without fail each day at 5am we were woke up by the loudest banging you ever heard. What in the world? They couldn't have been making that much noise as the hotel was never very clean. Sheesh. Needless to say, we can't wait to get back to our own bed, house, and lazy maid!

I've got more photos to share but will wait until I can get on my computer at home. Catch up with you soon.


New Mexico - Tuesday & Wednesday

Tuesday was spent with my in-laws. We took Ken and Ramona to lunch at Papa Felipe's in Albuquerque. It was fantastic. The highlight of any meal in New Mexico isn't the red or green chile but the sopillias. Mmmmmmm. I forgot to take a photo to share. Bummer.

Wednesday we met up with Barb, Megan, and the boys for a trip on the tram to the top of Sandia mountain. This was the location of our wedding seven years ago. I wanted to recreate some wedding photos but Kenyon isn't a fan of photos. Regardless, get ready for photo overload.

From there we went to Old Towne to have lunch at Hacendia del Rio. Again, no photo of the sopillias. I am going to miss them.