Feeling Reckless and Careless

I had a really bad urge to be “reckless” or “careless” with my calories the other night.  Occasionally, I get into that mood where I just want to eat whatever I feel like.  Don’t get me wrong, WW allows you to eat whatever you want (in moderation and portion control) you just have to count the points for it.

I’ll rewind a few weeks and start there.

I was feeling that new and exciting energy that comes with the first day of a brand shiny new year.  There was many success stories floating around, our WW meetings began to fill up again, and the gym memberships were on the rise.  It is just a good time to start fresh!  I had gone through my tracker and figured up all the PPVs for the extra foods/treats/coffee shop stops I was consuming.  I was shocked to see how fast those little points each day add up.  By the end of the week I had consumed sometimes as much as 30 extra PPVs just in those everyday treats.

So I cut back.  I mean REALLY cut back.  I stopped going to Dutch Brothers for my decaf Americano with sugar free caramel sauce, and a little bit of cream.  I stopped going to the yogurt shop for build-your-own yogurt bowls.  I stopped having my two Hershey Kisses after my lunch/dinners at work and instead started chewing gum.

I didn’t go completely cold turkey.  I focused more on making sure I really evaluated the importance of where I spent my extra points and that it was worth it.  Having these treats everyday meant it wasn’t a treat anymore and I was taking it for granted.

I had been doing really well with my WW plan.  I can’t say I dropped a lot of weight but I was still maintaining in my goal range and started to drift closer to the lower end.  I am focusing on maintaining right now.  I like being in goal range and getting my free eTools each month!

Last Saturday the rebellious side of my really wanted out.
I attended a Basque dance with my parents where we saw performers dance, armatures participate in a weight lifting contests and tug-of-wars, drank beer, and ate chorizos and beans.  The beans lacked spice so I only ate half the bowl and I ate my chorizo sans the bun.  Since I am a volume eater, I was left unsatisfied.  I wanted more food for the large amount of PPVs I had just spent.  As the events were nearing the end I started to think about all the places I could stop and eat on my way home.  I was feeling hungry since several hours had passed.  I thought of actual food (Panda Express) and sugary goodness food (Sonic or Arctic Circle for ice cream and Carinos for chocolate cake).  I knew I was truly hungry but I also knew I was tired of feeling like eating wasn’t fun anymore.
This is where I should pause to say I really don’t know what I’m talking about because I have enjoyed sweets over the last few weeks.  I was just suddenly feeling a void.  And I wanted to be reckless.

So what stopped me?  I looked up the PPVs for the chorizo, beer, and beans on the ride back to my parent’s house to get my car.  I had spent 24 PPVs alone just on that evening meal.  What else stopped me? It was now 10:30pm and there wasn’t much really open in the way of real food or even dessert-y food.
I did end up stopping at a grocery store that was open and got a piece of chocolate cake and some ice cream that was on special.  I went home, ate a leftover stuffed pepper first, and then enjoyed a small bit of cake and a small bit of ice cream.  I counted it all and was ended my night in the negative by only 10 PPVs.  That was easily covered by a few APs and some of my WPPAs.
I think that reckless person is still trying to get out.  Monday after WW I did indulge in more food than necessary and used more WPPAs than necessary.  I hope it is out of my system.  I am not sure though.  I didn’t grocery shop this week and am just sort of “winging it”.  I think I am just feeling overwhelmed right now and just need a little bit of a break.  I am not worried of a spiral out of control.  I know this will pass.  I suspect this will pass and I will be energized to go at it full force again.
In the meantime, I plan to eat out a few extra times this week and enjoy a few more treats.  I even have two events planned already for St. Patt's Day.  We will see what the scale shows next week.  Good news is I have already done my WI for March.  If I do end up with a gain, I won’t beat myself up.  I will allow myself a pass on the scale for one week only.  If my reckless behavior stretches into two weeks…I must get on the scale.  NO exceptions!


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