Deep Thoughts I'm Trying To Combat

Sometimes when I am deep within my thoughts I will catch myself getting mad for gaining weight back.  I just can’t believe how stupid I have been.  I worked so hard to lose 130 pounds.  Why didn’t I work hard to keep it off?  I obviously don’t have an answer and I can’t turn back time.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could?  Just turn the clocks and change whatever is that would make you happier.  Of course if we all know that going backwards in time and making changes would alter the events that happen in the future. 

Maybe I’ve seen too many of those movies that explains why you shouldn’t mess with the time continuum.

When I got caught up in my thoughts a few nights ago, I had a mini mental breakdown complete with tears.  I ask myself, why aren’t you stronger at resisting temptations?  Why weren’t you smarter back in 2013 when your back hurt and you stopped exercising?  Why did you continue to eat those tempting foods that only made the situation worse?  Why do you still eat these tempting foods?

It’s only food.  It doesn’t control me.  And yet, I easily reach for the foods that hinder my weight loss and not help it.  The only thing those foods do is help my weight GAIN.  Ugh.  So it is all so silly too.  It’s just food!

Much like not every day is a bad hair day, every day isn’t a Negative Nelly-type of day.  But those dark days that when negative thoughts flood by brain it can be hard to squash them.  It can be hard to talk nice to yourself and not belittle yourself. 

If only I tried harder maybe I’d still be closer to my goal weight and feeling less like a big ‘ol failure


Tara said...

My story is much like yours. I lost over 100 pounds in 2007 but gained it all back plus some. When I lost the weight I was very strict with what I ate but as time went by, I started relax on my eating habits. I spent last year depressed and mad at myself for letting myself gain the weight back.

I rejoined WW in January but told myself that my monthly goal was 5 pounds. I'm not going to be as strict as last time (which I think is why I gained it back).

S. Galloway said...

We all struggle with something in our life and it is just hard. I can tell you though that you are an amazing person and even a better friend. Hugs girl!