Calming Down The Nerves

It’s Friday!!  Yahoooo.

Despite thinking this week would fly by, it has been a long week.  I am ready for my weekend even though it is jam packed.

Tonight and tomorrow afternoon I am attending my 20 year high school reunion. 

I’m a teeny bit nervous to see everybody partly because I haven’t seen them in years (I wasn’t able to attend my 10 year reunion due to scheduling) and partly because I am hanging onto about 50 pounds extra since high school.

Weight loss and weight gain, to me, will always be on my mind.  It is part of the journey I’ve been on and the journey I continue to navigate.  I find myself getting super nervous when there is a social situation where I’ve not seen somebody for a while.  The anxiety used to be positive because I worked hard to lose 130 pounds and wanted to look my absolute best.  The anxiety I’ve felt over the last few years has been more negative and I am literally giving myself a pep talk in front of the mirror saying, “there is nothing you can do to change the outcome today, so be as confident as you can be and do your best.”  I 100% believe that confidence shines through at any size and weight.

My weight over the last 20+ years has fluctuated quite a bit.  The summer between my junior and senior year, I had dieted down to 175 pounds and remember fitting into a size 14 jeans.  Here is my senior picture from 1998.

 

I gained much more than the freshman 15 when I went to college and to the best of my recollection, the gain happened slowly over time throughout adulthood.  I took control of my weight and my health in January of 2007 and over the course of two years, I lost 130 pounds.  I would have been around the same weight as when I graduated at my 10 year high school reunion had I been able to attend.  For those of you that have been following along for the past several years, you know I’ve gained several pounds back and even lost some of those re-gained pounds again.

But, for those that have not seen me in 20 years…I’m really just 50 pounds heavier.  They don’t know my journey.  They don’t know my story.  They don’t know my struggles or my successes.  They only see the outside and the confidence that I exude. 

With age comes wisdom and while I am nervous that my classmates will be looking like the exact replica of their senior portrait, I am also realistic and know that they too have insecurities.  And, you never know, they might have changed a little bit too and they might even be a little nervous.

I am really excited to see everybody and had I not been the party planner throughout all this, I might not have already started making some re-connections.  Plus, you all know I love a good party!