The Reason For My Absence

Have you all seen this?

Ain't that the truth.

I've been pretty quiet on this blog space lately because I feel like a big phony. I'm supposed to be writing about maintenance and yet I can't seem to get my food choices under control. This has me thinking that it is best to avoid this space all together and perhaps you will not notice. I think you are smarter than that though and you have already figured it out. Sigh.

I think as though I've been dealing with the “last meal” mentality. I know I need to get back on track and the new WW program changes rolling out this week makes me energized again. So I keep telling myself that this splurge is the “last splurge for a while.” The only problem is that it isn't the last splurge because I splurge again at the next meal or the next day. I believe my thinking is perhaps skewed.

My trainer that I've been with for the last four weeks is pretty health conscious. She counts calories and has been working out like crazy so she can enjoy some holiday treats/splurges. This has been helpful in that it does make me think about my food choices. Of course, after thinking about it I've still been making the wrong choices. But regardless, I am giving it some thought. I mentioned I was thinking of eating out tonight and she tried to encourage me not to. She has been saying stuff like “is that going to be helpful to your goals.” I almost went home and had found something for dinner but instead I went out. I am also eating a sweet treat as I write this blog.

See, I told you I was a phony. (hangs head in shame) I also feel guilty. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I've already got some food/drink plans lined up for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I will attend my WW meeting on Thursday to learn the new program. I am not sure yet if I'll start tracking again. I think it would be a good idea to get used to the new Smart Points values for the foods I will be eating, even if that means higher point amounts. I know I need to re-focus so I can stop all this nonsense.

I hope you can forgive me for my absence and my lack of healthy eating.


Mindy said...

I am sorry for your struggles. But you are still a huge inspiration to me. Everyone has these times in their weight loss journey. Thank you for being honest and continuing to post.

Lindsay said...

Thank you. Your support is much appreciated.

Dawny said...

i know you know how wonderful I think you are, despite your recent struggles.. but the fact that you put it all out there, and you keep it real, says a LOT LOT LOT about you =-)
I know you'll find your way as soon as your ready

Thats super awesome that you are hooked up with such inspiration.. maybe it will rub off on you soon =-)

Stay strong and true to you friend

Bon M said...

Why would you think that you're a phony? Your struggle is very real and resonates with probably most of us. You want to lose/maintain yet you want the joy of eating what you want. The two, regrettably, are incompatible.

You'll make a choice one way or the other - either you'll accept the struggle and lose again or you'll say "heck with it" and gain. The thing is, reality is often a combination of those two - sometimes it's easier than others to regain control.

It's been a long time since you lost. It's got to be hard to do it for so long. I'm only in year five and I hate it. Just hate it. But for me, the spectre of diabetes looms if I gain weight.

Hang in there. If you need an opinion, what you *should* do is be strict six days a week and choose one day as "indulge" day. Because you simply can't do 1 strict day and 6 indulge. The body won't let you.

Why can't brussels sprouts taste like chocolate? *grin*

Bonz, from WW boards

Dawny said...

So I can't stop thinking about what you have written. I'm not sure how it is you think you're a phony. You are depicting life here. You've been so open and honest about life. There's nothing mystical or magical with weight loss or weight maintenance. You're by far a phony. if you're real and dealing with life. Not to mention you're so honest open and straightforward here that is what people need. All too often people, and only show the sunshine and rainbows. Very rarely do you find people who are honest and share the good the bad and the ugly. You're amazing. In my eyes you're still at She-ro

Lindsay said...

Thank you all for your continued support. Bon M, you are correct in that I need to stay focused more days splurge more days. I'll get this figured out....eventually.

Thank you Dawny for always being there as a friend and sounding board.