Living Live In The In-Between

My WW Buddy Colleen, from our 5’6” Maintainers thread, shared a new perspective with me after I told them about my dreaded 200 pound weight at my weekly WI.

“I was thinking that even if you think the 200's are ‘dreaded’, recall the time when you would have been ecstatic to reach that number when you began your WW journey. You are positively planning that this number is temporary.”

As always, what I love most about WW is the support and understanding.  It is always wonderful to look at stuff through a different lens and get a whole new perspective.  It is always humbling to remember I am not where I was once…just in semi-new territory.  But hey, I’ve also been here before even if I wasn’t super aware of it.  In either case, it is indeed temporary.

Speaking of where I have been…

Our recent trip to Vegas, like all trips to Vegas, is a reminder of my starting journey and why WW will always be a part of my life.  In reflecting back upon my weight loss and maintenance journey there are noticeable difference at each part of my life.

The 300 pound Lindsay had a really hard time getting around Vegas.  I almost couldn’t buckle the seatbelt upon boarding the plane.  We walked around but not nearly as much as I do now.  I remember feeling tired and sweating a lot (it was December) but also feeling like I didn’t want to slow my sister down.  We relied on the free shuttles and double-decker bus (The Duce) a lot.  I know we also rested quite a bit between our walking.

The 165-185 pound Lindsay got around Vegas with ease.  I actually preferred to walk as much as I could and tried to find ways to ramp up the FitBit totals, which in Vegas is not difficult.  I know I didn’t struggle with needing to take as many rests and we are rarely in our hotel room.  The seatbelt buckle was not an issue and sitting in the middle seat wasn’t as uncomfortable as it used to be.  While we used The Duce for getting around the longer distances there was definitely more walking going on.

The 190-200 pound Lindsay struggled slightly getting around Vegas.  It was nowhere near what 300 pound Lindsay struggled with but it felt different than 165-185 pound Lindsay.  Our first night in Vegas we did a lot of walking.  I am happy I can still get around with ease and cover long distances on foot.  By the second day I was feeling a bit of pain in my left leg/hip and this was something I’ve not experienced.  I am not sure if it was because I am just not in as good shape as I used to be or what.  It made it pretty difficult by day three and resting more/riding The Duce more sounded like a relief.  By our flight home I was just plum wore out.  We had carry-on bags with backpack straps and carrying around the extra 30 or so pounds in my bag was a lot.  We did a lot of walking and searching for a particular place in the airport and I just wanted to cry because my leg/hip was so painful.  I’m not sure if this a fluke or just one more reason why 165-185 pound Lindsay moved a bit easier and was overall happier.

There is one thing the scale has never had an effect over…how much fun I have.  Regardless of my size, movement, or current mental state of weight loss and maintenance I always have fun on vacation.  There were a few moments where I worried my sparkly top was a bit too snug.  But I got over that. 

My Brother always said, “You won’t be the fattest person at the pool” and he is right.  There is always somebody else worrying about how they look and that is really just time wasted.  Heather recorded a video post for a listener who asked her about re-gain and how to handle the 20 pounds that has seemed to settle in around the middle section.  Her advice was to learn to love the body you have now.  Heather said that if you were to try on the clothes from your heaviest weight they wouldn’t fit right.  And if you try on the clothes from your smallest weight it also won’t fit right.  We need to dress for the body we have now and learn to appreciate that body.  After all, it is the only body we get so it is best to be kind to ourselves.

This in-between-weight is a hard place to be.  It is easy to feel grateful you are not at your starting weight but also easy to feel guilty you aren’t at your goal weight either.  The in-between-weight is where we have lived our live many times as we started going up the scale the first time (or subsequent time if you have done this a lot).  The different is that we might not have been aware of it during the first go-round.  Being aware of how 190-200 pound Lindsay feels is an important step.  It is what will keep me accountable and is what will keep that drive going.  I might now always ramp it up, but the drive is always there.

Thanks for your continued support during this journey.