I put together some comparison photos after my birthday celebration last month. Since I started my WW journey I've tried to get a photo of me and my birthday cake as that is the starting photo I typically share when I'm talking about WW.
I've been thinking a lot about how I would introduce myself to somebody that didn't really know me. Since starting my new job, my coworkers don't know 300 pound Lindsay. They also don't know 175 pound Lindsay. They really only know 200 pound Lindsay unless I share with them the journey I've been on over the last (almost) ten years. Wow, ten years. I can't believe I've been on this journey for ten years.
My first thought is to introduce myself as “I once was skinny, but now I am not.” Odd that this is my first thought but appropriate for how realistic it is to continue to strive to love the body you have. Now that I look at my before photo I suppose I could introduce myself as, “I once was fat, but now I am less fat.” Less fat? Hmmmmm....let's ponder that one a moment.
I've shared many times within this blog space about living in the “middle weight” and positive self talk. I put on a brave face but some days not being at my goal weight is tough. It weighs heavy on my mind and is easy to beat myself up over it. I know I can always do better, try harder, and strive for more. I'm not sure anymore if I can actually get back down to my goal weight. I've been above goal for three years now. I had such wonderful support when I posted both of my birthday photos, taken 10 years apart.
(Clearly I have downsized my cake over the last 10 years)
I'm still hanging on. Skinny, fat, used-to-be-skinny, or used-to-be-fat. Why do these words make me feel happy and sad both at the same time? I'm happy I am used to be fat but now I am less fat. I am sad I used to be skinny but now I am not. These are just words that we often give way too much power to.