When The "Used To Be" Isn't The Same "Used To Be"

I stole this image from the Operation Beautiful Facebook page several weeks ago.  At that time I was feeling a bit down in the dumps about my weight (it’s an up and down rollercoaster of emotion) and that image spoke to me.

When I joined Weight Watchers over eight years ago I used to be 300 pounds.

 

My trip down the scale seemed fairly easy.  Maybe I just don’t realize how much blood, sweat, and tears it took to lose 130 pounds.  For a few years I maintained my goal weight fairly easy.  Again, maybe I just didn’t realize how much work it was.  Since I have re-gained about 30 pounds my “used to be” isn’t the same “used to be.”  I don’t struggle with what it was like to weigh 300 pounds.  Instead I struggle with what it was like to weigh 175 pounds.

 

This photo has been showing up in my Facebook newsfeed the last few days.  It was taken three years ago at a bachelorette party.  I keep looking at this photo thinking how small and skinny I look.  The thing is, I didn’t realize at that time (nor did I fully appreciate it) how small I really was.  Perhaps it goes back to that thought of maintenance feeling fairly easy at first.  Perhaps I just don’t remember if it was hard.  I know I struggled.  I know I had mental hang-ups.  I know I had body image issues. Identity is quite interesting when you are dealing with weight loss and weight gain.

I shared with my WW buddy Nichole that I sometimes wish I had not gotten as low as 165 pounds.  Maybe if I hadn’t then I would know what it feels like to no longer be that small of a weight or that tiny of a person.  That isn’t the truth though. 

Despite the struggles and the roller coaster of emotions I am a happy with my weight loss.  I am happy with the changes I have made.  If I had not been brave enough to take that first step and walk into a Weight Watcher meeting eight years ago, well, I’d still be 300 pounds.

 

“Don’t let who you used to be get in the way of what you can become.”