I went to the mall yesterday after work to try on some clothes and spend a $10 off coupon I had at JC Penney’s. Of course nothing really fits or looks good so I instantly became flooded with thoughts of why can’t I just be skinny? I kept spotting people at the mall and would think to myself how lucky they must have it. Why can’t it just be easy? Why didn’t I work harder to keep myself at goal? How could I have been so stupid to gain a good chuck of the weight back?
I’m pretty sure I’ve officially hit rock bottom.
So, how do you begin to pull yourself back out of the slump? That drive was there several years ago so why can’t I seem to draw it back out? It wasn’t easy the first time so I can’t seem to figure out why I think it will be any easier the second time. I start each day thinking this day will be different only to succumb to poor eating and an over abundance of sweets. It should be so easy…I know what I need to do. And yet each day I don’t DO IT. It makes me think back to Katie’s blogpost about how you need to quit saying you will do something and just “get it over with”.
I don’t really follow Heather and her Half Size Me blog/podcasts like I once did. I think most of it is because I’m jealous she is having such smashing success. After all, weight loss and maintenance is her life and when you are making that a priority you will see positive results. She shared some photos on her FB page after an outing with her kids at the roller skating rink. She said something that has stuck with me. “Yesterday reminded me of a very big and important reason as to why I worked so hard to lose 170 pounds and to now be keeping up with my healthy lifestyle and habits. I want to be free. Never to feel imprisoned in my body.”
That is a very powerful statement. I know I’ve been feeling imprisoned in my body for a few years now. It started back in August 2013 when my back problems started and I couldn’t continue with the high intensity aerobics that had been such a big part of my life. As I continue to gain weight I feel even more imprisoned. The bigger I get the less active I become and the more I seem to struggle. I feel fat everywhere all the time. It is always on my mind and I feel like I can never escape it. I hate this feeling.
I really do feel I am at my lowest possible level. I just can’t seem to get myself out of this slump I am in.