For a while now I’ve had this picture in my mind about being something of a “comeback kid”. In my mind I am this strong person who makes a comeback by losing the pounds that have been re-gained. I am successful. I am happy. Everybody is congratulating me. I can’t stop smiling.
Up until four weeks ago, while I might have had this successful vision in my mind, the mood would quickly pass as I was giving in to the food temptation placed in front of me. It was as if I could only be successful in my dreams but not in reality.
We recently hired a new supervisor. In the weeks leading up to the actual application and interview, several of my coworkers talked about who was going to apply. I have never had desire to promote at any of my jobs and I still have no desire to be a supervisor now. I knew I wasn’t going to apply but I still entertained the idea a time or two with my teammates. I have recently come off probation from my return to ISP so thinking about having to go through another probationary period when I just finished sounded exhausting. I also don’t feel like I interview well nor would I have much to stay in a supervisor interview. But the biggest reason that I didn’t want to take on a supervisor position at this time is that I feel it is finally time to work on Lindsay.
When I changed jobs last year (crazy it has been a whole year already) I shifted my focus from half-assing my WW program to being a trainee again after ten years in law enforcement. It took all the energy I had and despite our schedule at Nampa PD allowing for an hour workout time, I wasn’t staying focused when it came to weight loss, tracking, and my food choices. Having all the stress from training to focus on was an easy way to avoid having to actually work on losing weight.
Early in 2016, I made the switch back to ISP which felt good and for once. I could actually get out from under all the stress I had been feeling the six months prior. I had just gotten back to utilizing my Curves membership when my Grandmother died. Then we rolled right into buying/building/selling houses. Once again it was an easy way to avoid actually having to work on losing weight.
Finally…a few weeks ago something shifted and I wanted to make some changes that would result in positives and not just self loathing. At my WW meeting several people shared how they wanted to quit but knew that it wasn’t the answer. I had actually quit. I had given up on tracking, healthy eating, and activity. So even though I might have been checking in with my meetings once a month, I wasn’t actually working the WW program. And I was gaining weight which only made the self loathing worse.
Now is the time to work on Lindsay. Now is the time to be the “comeback kid.” While I once had dreams of getting back to my goal weight and my size 12 jeans, now my thoughts are those of what simply weighing 20 pounds less will feel like. And I can’t wait. I’m so excited to be losing weight and collecting my 5 pound stars again. I feel energized when I know I’ve had a successful day and made healthy food choices. I don’t quite love exercise but I know that I feel better after I get some endorphins.
While I did feel like I maintained my weight pretty well for the first five years of my maintenance journey, there is just something about that successful feeling of having a loss each week. The last part of my maintenance journey sure did challenge me and I will be more aware of that in the future. For right now, I am content with working my WW program and getting myself back into better shape: mind, body, and soul.