Am I Really A Failure?

I had an email conversation with my fellow WW board member and friend about feelings of failure for not being at WW’s goal weight.

It is no surprise that anytime a person sets out on a weight loss journey their self worth is gauged by the number on the scale.  While it is only one form of measurement of success, WW members often give A LOT of power to the scale and the number it reads each week.  (We give it so much power that A LOT needed to be written in all caps!)

Living in the spotlight after accomplishing a large weight loss holds a heavy burden.  While it might not actually be that people are judging you, it can feel that way.  Mentally you can feel like all eyes are on you.  If for some reason you gain some of your weight back your mind can make you think those eyes are saying, “here is where she gains all her weight back like she has a zillion times before.

This is my first successful venture at a weight loss over 100 pounds.  I have no prior experiences with losing that much weight or attempting to keep it off.  I have always been very open about my weight loss and maintenance.  Being in the spotlight during my weight loss journey, and being the only person as at my meetings that lost such a large amount, causes people to look to you for advise and encouragement.  Hey, if you did it than so can they.

I have also been very open and honest with re-gain and I used to feel the need to explain while I was no longer under my goal weight.  I now feel the need to explain why I am not at my goal weight.  Is it really necessary to explain why I am not at goal?  Nope.  So why do I feel the need to do so?

I think it stems from the worry that those who looked up to you and turned to you for support will now think I am a failure.  But I’m not a failure so why do I believe they will think I am? 

Failure is defined by Wikipedia as: “the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success.”

I think this definition really explains what my friend is feeling.  She knows she isn’t a failure yet her mind makes her feel that way.  Because she isn’t at her desirable or intended objective (i.e. WW’s goal weight) she is viewing her success as a failure.  But I see no failure.  If the whole purpose was to lose weight, which she has done, and keep it off, which she has also done, then there is no failure.

So how do we get past these thoughts of failure?  We have to adjust our thinking. 

The mental aspect of weight loss can take a while to catch up.  The same is true for acceptance of not being at your goal weight.  We need to work really hard to squash this stigma that weight gain after a large weight loss is bad.  It isn’t bad….it is just life!  It happens sometimes.  There is no shame in it.  Keeping off a large amount of weight is tough.  If we were suddenly cured of all our food issues once we got to goal than we wouldn’t have been fat to begin with.

For anybody out there struggling with the number on the scale please try and cut yourself some slack.  Try to look at the big pictures.  Has your heath improved?  Are you out walking a long distance?  Are you now a runner?  Do you sleep better?  Are you happier?  Are you better off than where you started?

I’ll leave you with some wise words from Bill Cosby.