I'm In A Weird Mental Place Right Now

I posted this on the WW message boards this morning:

I got up at 3:30am to hit up the treadmill. 

My food last night was less-than-par.  It might have been borderline out of control.  I had the thought this morning that I needed to “workout harder/faster/longer." 

But, that would also be counterproductive.  Therefore, I just clean it up from here.  I'm in a weird mental gap lately.

I really am in some sort of weird mental gap this week.  I just can’t seem to shake it and I’m not sure what is causing it.  I have been reckless with my calories many times before and it doesn’t feel quite like that.  It isn’t like I want to be out of control either.  I just can’t seem to focus this week. 

I tried to talk myself out of eating out last night.  I didn’t meal plan this week so food at home sounds boring.  But, there was a plan for last night’s dinner.  I got my hair done after work and knew it would be an easy-to-prepare dinner.  The thought of eating out was on my mind all day.  I know I’m craving veggies right now and a salad bar sounded really good.  However, SouperSalad or something like that didn’t sound good.  I suddenly wanted salad AND pizza.  I wanted lots of salad and a little bit of pizza.  It didn’t take much to convince Kenyon to meet met for pizza after he got off work.  After all, I was buying!

I got to Flying Pie Pizza early so I could put our order in and started in on my salad bar.  They have a really great salad bar and that is why I picked that place.  They were missing the pineapple though.  I love pineapple on my salad.  Since I was having pizza I kept my toppings to zero PPV veggies.  On my second salad bar trip I added in a few garbanzo beans and olives.

I debated on which pizza to order as I really like the one that comes with smoked Gouda, which is twice as tempting.  Kenyon wanted a 12 inch pizza and that was $8 more than the 10 inch.  I rationalized that we would get two 10 inch pizzas instead, and I could have my yummy smoked Gouda.  The pizza was delicious and my taste buds were happy.  I had a second trip to the salad bar (very small plates) and that also made my taste buds happy.

It all went a bit downhill from there.  I have this bad habit of wanting sweets after eating out.  I should have tried harder to squash the thoughts that started to enter my head of a Reese’s Peanut Butter shake from Arctic Circle.  I rationalized that I only needed a few bites.  And boy, those few bites were exactly what I did need.

The part above about “borderline out of control” is that my shake experience didn’t end at just a few bites and quickly I knew I had eaten too much.  I flat out just didn’t feel well a short time after.  I still don’t feel really well this morning either. 

I’m not really dealing with guilt feelings.  I ate it and I enjoyed it.  I pretty much just wiped out my WPPAs but it was worth it.  I think not feeling well is what made me think that I needed to exercise really hard this morning.  Yeah, that didn’t happen. 

I know this too shall pass.  I just really hope I don’t do too much damage in the meantime!